For me, the key was revisiting the idea that I never had a choice, that the whole thing was someone else’s fault.  That the identity I was holding up only existed as the expectations I assumed everyone had about who and what I was.   I discovered false aspects of the stories that I had created around the situations that make up the story I call 1st Marriage.  From this perspective, what I saw in 20 year old Deanne changed dramatically.  Instead of seeing a victim of her circumstances, I saw an innocent human trying the best she could to find safety in being acceptable and doing acceptable things.  It was obvious that the choices I made to accomplish my goal of safety did not, in fact, provide safety and for that reason, my 1st Marriage story deserved my attention and reconsideration.